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Approaching someone who hasn't returned my lens?


3 years 8 months ago #693024 by Scott Klubeck
A friend (touching subject right now), borrowed a lens from me 3 months ago, actually 4 months ago. He lost his job 2 months ago.  I have been asking for my lens back at least 4 times, and he keeps saying he will drop it off.  

I have also learned that he sold his camera gear to pay for his mortgage. I know he is in bad shape right now, but I fears he might have my lens.  I don't have 100% proof, only a bad gut guess at this point.  

Guys, I'm not even sure how to approach him.  I just learned about him selling his gear yesterday and only because his wife and mine had been talking and that came up.  

How would you bring this up?
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3 years 8 months ago #693025 by Ozzie_Traveller
G'day Scott

I suspect that you and wife need to stock up with some chokky bikkies (cookies for you in the US) and arrive unannounced for a social visit. Being social and friendly will start the ball rolling and then you can ask about your lens. If it's there it's there. If it's gone, then it's gone - and you can only shrug your broad shoulders and mutter "there but for the sake of ......... go I" and so on

I also suspect that many of us could relate similar stories with books / tools / stuff that has been loaned in good faith and not come back, or come back damaged. Caveat Emptor or something along those lines

Hope this helps
Phil from the great land Downunder
www.flickr.com/photos/ozzie_traveller/sets/
Phil from the great land Downunder
www.flickr.com/photos/ozzie_traveller/sets/
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3 years 8 months ago #693029 by Nikon Shooter
If you were generous enough to lend it, maybe you
should be allowing for what ever possible reason.
Light is free… capturing it is not!
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3 years 8 months ago #693038 by garyrhook
  1. You contact him (phone, ideally) and say, "I'm going to come pick up my lens. What's a good time?" And you don't let him off the hook. Or let him change the subject. Or defer.
  2. You also prepare for the possibility that he sold something that wasn't his. And you decide from there whether he will remain a "friend", and whether you ever loan anyone anything ever again.
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3 years 8 months ago #693084 by Scott Klubeck
Man, tough decision to make!  Either way, this could get awkward REALLY fast!

I really hope he hasn't sold it, I don't want to be put into this position of having to make the next move.
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3 years 8 months ago #693108 by CatherineW
I don't mean to be brash, but if someone sold something I let the BORROW, they aren't a friend.  You don't sell something that isn't yours, regardless how bad of situation you are in.  There isn't such thing as an accident when selling something like this.  If sold, they knew.  
***Remember 9/11***
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3 years 8 months ago #693113 by Hassner
How important is this relationship to you?

You will get another brush off when you ask over the phone.

I would go (cookies or not) to his place and say: 'I urgently need my lens, I just came to pick it up."

If he confesses, it is up to you how to deal with it.

My Christian way would be to forgive, but never lend again.
I can imagine his guilt might put a damper on the friendship. 
It will be your choice if you want to put in extra effort to keep it up.
This person is a posting maniac and deserves a #1 badge!Top Poster
No one kicks up there feet next to the water cooler better than this person. Top poster - LoungeLounge Guru
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3 years 8 months ago #693153 by Fishtaco
:agree:   I was going to say the same thing.  Go there as Hassner as put it and state you need the lens right now.  Then if he does confess, I would request he pay the replacement value of the lens when he gets back on his feet.    
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3 years 8 months ago #693351 by KenMan
WTH seriously?  Man I would be ticked off.  Most aren't doing well these days, so I would be very disappointed and would think strongly about my approach.  
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3 years 8 months ago - 3 years 8 months ago #693373 by cbo315
I’d just approach him and ask up front.  While I can have sympathy for a friend’s situation, if they sold my property they deserve the embarrassment that accompanies the act.

If only a portion of books I’ve lent out were returned, I’d be building another bookcase.  Neither a borrower nor a lender be... might work for some, but past experience tells me that I’m a lost cause. 
— Dan
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3 years 8 months ago #693378 by EOS Man
:agree:   yep and yep.  Just approach the guy and see about getting it back.  Post up, I'm kind of curious about what happens here.  
5D Mark II | 50mm f/1.4 EX | 24-70mm f/2.8L | 70-200mm f/2.8L | 430EX
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3 years 8 months ago #693393 by Glen Mosley
Man, I'm just not that polite.  I would have brought this up much sooner.  But then again, I would haven't have lent out my gear.  Good luck with the collections.  
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3 years 8 months ago #693404 by Naheed
As the lens is with your friend and he is in a financial crisis right now. It would be better if your wife asks your friend's wife about the lens.
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3 years 8 months ago #693541 by Noah J
But that doesn't solve any the issue.  As his wife, she will likely cover for him, and perhaps tip him off that you have inquired about it.  Making it more likely he may avoid you completely.  
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3 years 8 months ago #693573 by Scott Klubeck
No word yet.  Knocked on door on Tuesday and his wife said he wasn't home.  She then said that she'll have him come over when he got home.  Days later, I have not seen him.  :toetap:  
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