A good driving record:
Guess who's going to do the driving on photo expeditions. That's right -- not the photographer. What's more, if you're like most serious shutterbugs, every trip is a potential photo expedition, and photographers aren’t known for keeping their eyes on the road.
Good reflexes: When you're traveling at 65mph, and someone yells, "Stop!" it's important to be able to do so safely.
Good manners: This will go a long way while explaining to the officer why he/she went from 65mph to zero in 3 seconds.
(Success Tip #1: How to take photos of people anywhere and turn them into profits.)
Language skills: There are two main reasons for this:
To understand that statements like "I love the way those lines converge.", "Have you ever seen the ocean this calm?" and "That's the kind of light I was talking about." all mean, "Stop!"
To explain to foreign authorities that you are only a simple photographer and couldn't read the "No Trespassing" signs in their language.
Political connections: This is important when item 4(b) doesn't work.
Navigational skills: You can't be expected to keep track of where you are.
Basic math skills:
Someone has to realize that it doesn't matter whether that ghost town is just over the next rise, the ½ mark on the fuel gauge means it's time to turn around.
First aid training: You can't be expected to watch where you're walking.
A gym membership:
No one will stay in shape hiking at the pace you set.
You can't possibly carry all the equipment you'll need alone.
A stable stance: This should go without saying. There are times when you simply don't have time to set up the tripod. Leaning is the next best thing. Note: An explanation of this ahead of time is probably better than, "Quick, honey, bend over!" without warning.
An appreciation of literature: When you leave him/her with the car, you're not really going to be gone for just a few minutes. A good book will come in handy.
Hunting and fishing skills: Someone is going to have to kill or catch dinner when you visit the great outdoors. You're too busy.
Survival skills: To you, "being prepared" means having all the lenses and memory cards you'll need.
(Success Tip #2: Improve your photography with a new challenge for every week of the year.)
"Yes, Mrs. Johnson, I know it's 3 in the morning and he's out there in his pajamas. It's the full moon."
Self-confidence: The model photos you're always looking at really are research.
Good depth perception:
Someone needs to know whether the tide is going out or coming in, which way that tornado is actually traveling and how long before that truck gets here.
Good color perception: "Yes, honey, shifting the hue like that makes the roses really stand out, but is the sky supposed to be pink?"
A sense of diplomacy:
"Of course your eyes are fine, honey. I just thought the autofocus might be faster."
"I don't understand it, either. Your entry matched the theme much better."
"Of course, honey. It's an investment."
Selflessness: Guess whose name probably isn't going to be on the finished product.
Patience: If I need to explain this one, you probably should consider staying single.
Ah, the joys of wedded bliss! Is there anything more comforting than having that special someone by your side, supporting you in all that you're passionate about? Allow me to answer my own question: If your passion is the pursuit of the perfect image, that someone needs to be special, indeed.
Now, for those of you wondering what qualifies me to write about this subject, you should know that I'm on my third marriage. That makes me something of an expert, right? I'm happy to report that wife number three is holding up well so far. Let's hope this article isn’t the turning point.
Alright, so let's get right to the heart of the matter. There are certain qualities, beyond the usual for a loving spouse, that a photographer's partner in life should have. Finding someone with these traits will make life much easier for both of you. I'm willing to bet that there are some here that never crossed your mind.
There you have it, single photographers; the essentials for the perfect spouse. I hope that readers will appreciate that I left out such tasteless items as a good job and a big bank account. I also hope I don't have to explain the satirical nature of this article. Good hunting!
Article by Dana Crandell