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12 years 8 months ago #129529 by photobod
Sisters of St. Francis

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, 10 Miles.

He thinks it's a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, Next Right.

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: Sisters of St. Francis.

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?".

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway".

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed By The Sisters of St. Francis. Serves You Right, You Sinner!
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"A good photograph is one that communicate a fact, touches the heart, leaves the viewer a changed person for having seen it. It is, in a word, effective." - Irving Penn
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12 years 8 months ago #129534 by Dori
:rofl: :rofl:
Don't pi$$ me off, I am running out of room to store the bodies...

Resident Texasotan...
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12 years 8 months ago #130502 by Dori
Client: “My printer keeps printing junk.”

Me: “You have to turn off the computer and the printer, then turn on the computer first.”

Client: “Okay.”

*pause*

Client: “It’s still wrong.”

Me: “Did you restart the computer first?”

Client: “No.”

Me: “Why not?”

Client: “The computer is too far away. It saves time if I just turn the printer off and on.”

Me: “That won’t fix the problem.”

Client: “I don’t see why not. I don’t have time to go back and forth.”

(We go through the procedure several times, with the client short cutting the directions each time.)

Me: “Okay, I think I know what to do. There is bad data in your cable.”

Client: “Oh. How do I get it out?”

Me: “First, turn everything off. Then disconnect the cable.”

Client: “Okay.”

Me: “Lay the cable out in the hall. Then pick up one end and shake the cable two or three times. Shake it very hard.”

Client: “Just a minute.”

(Time passes with strange noises coming through the phone. The client comes back on out of breath.)

Client: “OK, I did it.”

Me: “Good. Now reconnect the cable to the printer and then connect it to the computer. Then turn everything on.”

Client: “That did it! Thanks!”

(About a year later, one of our trainers called to tell a funny story about the client who insisted on shaking the cable whenever the printer messed up. She said it was, ‘To get rid of the bad data’. I kept my mouth shut.)
Don't pi$$ me off, I am running out of room to store the bodies...

Resident Texasotan...
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12 years 8 months ago - 12 years 8 months ago #130509 by Baydream
:rofl:Reminds me of the "tech call" story where the caller said their monitor had gone blank. The techie asked then to check to see if it was plugged in and the caller responded "I can't see that. The power's gone off in the neighborhood".
Shoot, learn and share. It will make you a better photographer.
fineartamerica.com/profiles/john-g-schickler.html?tab=artwork
Photo Comments
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12 years 8 months ago #130512 by Baydream
After another long, inane service call, the techie asked the caller if they had the packaging the PC came in. When the caller said Yes, the techie told them to put it back in the box, take it back to the store where they bought it, and tell the clerk that they were too stupid to own a computer.
Shoot, learn and share. It will make you a better photographer.
fineartamerica.com/profiles/john-g-schickler.html?tab=artwork
Photo Comments
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12 years 8 months ago #130521 by Dori
:rofl: :rofl:
Don't pi$$ me off, I am running out of room to store the bodies...

Resident Texasotan...
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12 years 8 months ago #130701 by The Time Capturer
Your tongue print is as unique as your fingerprints. So if you are planning on committing a crime, be sure not to lick anything.
Sure, practice makes perfect but, unless you learn from your mistakes, you are only perfecting your ability to fail.
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12 years 8 months ago #131106 by Dori
A few minutes before church services start, everyone is sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, in a flash of light and a puff of smoke, Satan appears. The people scream and run out, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from Evil Incarnate. In seconds everyone is gone except for one elderly gentleman sitting calmly in his pew. Satan walks up to the old man and says, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replies, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asks.
"Nope," says the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asks Satan
"Don't doubt it for a minute."

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony for all eternity?" persists Satan.
"Yep."

"And you're still not afraid
"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asks, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Been married to your sister for 48 years."
Don't pi$$ me off, I am running out of room to store the bodies...

Resident Texasotan...
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12 years 8 months ago - 12 years 8 months ago #131254 by MLKstudios
Another tech call early on in the Mac years...

Lady: My Mac won't go!?

Apple Tech: Have you got it plugged in and pushed the power button?

Lady: Yes, and when I step on the pedal, and it won't GO!?
Matthew L Kees
MLK Studios Photography School
www.MLKstudios.com
[email protected]
"Every artist, was once an amateur"
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12 years 8 months ago #131276 by shutterinfear
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
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12 years 8 months ago #131285 by Stealthy Ninja
LOL
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www.aevansphoto.com
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12 years 8 months ago #131286 by Stealthy Ninja
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side of course you noob.
img\def

www.aevansphoto.com
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12 years 8 months ago #131288 by The Time Capturer
-A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig) (How'd they figure this out, and why?)

-Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig ... quality over quantity)

Sure, practice makes perfect but, unless you learn from your mistakes, you are only perfecting your ability to fail.
Attachments:
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12 years 8 months ago - 12 years 8 months ago #131289 by Baydream

Stealthy Ninja wrote: Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side of course you noob.

I thought he heard KFC was auditioning for "parts".
Shoot, learn and share. It will make you a better photographer.
fineartamerica.com/profiles/john-g-schickler.html?tab=artwork
Photo Comments
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12 years 8 months ago #131291 by The Time Capturer
:rofl:
Sure, practice makes perfect but, unless you learn from your mistakes, you are only perfecting your ability to fail.
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